I hate to practice anything over a long period. One or two weeks of practice is great- things are new, interesting, and exciting. The learning curve is steep and that suites me just fine. I like the intensity and unpredictability of the new, and the harder the better. Its when things become routine, and I get bored and lose my enthusiasm, that I start to have trouble. And that’s what- about 95% of life? Regular, sustained practice apparently goes against my fundamental constitution. According to ayurvedic philosophy, which is a sister science to yoga, I am a vata, which in a nutshell means that I am always looking for new and interesting experiences, and have some difficulty committing to sustained endeavors. My governing element is the wind, which is always moving, always changing, always dynamic.
My biggest hurdle to practicing yoga is consistency. I love to do it in intense spurts, like on trainings or retreats, when I am learning new things and encountering myself in different, out- of- my- usual -context ways. But when the alarm goes off in the morning and my yoga mat is waiting there expectantly, quite often I have chosen not to engage in my practice, because it feels boring.
Poet and teacher David Whyte said something really interesting about trying to make changes in one’s life; he said, if you want to change, arrange to get really tired of yourself. Let yourself get frustrated over and over, and be really present with that frustration try not to numb it or run away from it- until that frustration allows you to have enough desire and motivation to change.
Lately the frustration with not practicing has reached critical mass, so I have actually been practicing regularly, and feeling the benefits of that, which is building up an inherent motivation to keep practicing. And knowing what I do know about the physiology of the brain, which is that the more I actually practice, I am building new neural pathways in my brain which make change easier over time and not harder. My brain wants me to succeed and is set up to help me do this. Every time I practice successfully I build one more pathway that just makes it easier the next time.
As a vata person this getting comfortable with routine and consistency is a lifelong endeavor; I know it is somewhat of an uphill climb for me, and so I can have compassion with myself when it is really hard and I am struggling with it. And I also know that I keep working at it, keep getting a bit better and a bit stronger all the time, and continue to build robust and vital neural pathways toward consistent practicing.
Here’s a great poem that talks about the process we go through as we’re trying to change a deeply ingrained pattern or habit, and the process of building those new neural pathways:
Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters
a poem by Portia Nelson, published in her book
There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
Winter's Invitation 