Start Close In

START CLOSE IN

Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don’t want to take.

Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting
the conversation.

Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people’s questions,
don’t let them
smother something
simple.

To find
another’s voice
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes a
private ear
listening
to another.

Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don’t follow
someone else’s
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don’t mistake
that other
for your own.

Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don’t want to take.

~ David Whyte ~

I have a tendency to catastrophize- to think of the absolute worst case scenario, and then spend time there in my head, fleshing it out in all its horribleness, convincing myself that its bound to happen that way. This has been a life long tendency that I have struggled with- I really am a glass half empty kind of person.

In coming to this poem, I realized that if I just concentrate on this moment-this step, the one right in front of me- that I can do it. I can take this step, this moment, this breath. Sometimes that is exactly all I can do. And if I can keep myself there– and I mean just there- I can make it without thinking the world is going to end. But the trick seems to be to keep my attention entirely focused on that action-the one right in front of me- without thinking about how its going to turn out, how its going to play out, or end up. No future, just the next step, just the next breath. In fact, I am writing this blog right now to focus on the present moment and keep from catastrophizing. My son has had a rough day, and what that usually means is that I want to start eating, so instead of eating I am writing and staying with my feelings in the present moment- this is an experiment, we’ll see how it works…

I do notice that the same strategy often works in yoga class-when I am consciously moving my body, and paying attention to what its doing, I am not thinking the pessimistic thoughts, and that’s a big relief, and its one of the main reasons I do yoga. Maybe writing is another way I can stay present in my body and not check out.

So I have my cat in my lap and my glass of wine and I am writing, and I’m starting to feel a bit better. I think I can get up and do the dishes now without fear that I will go for the potato chips. Yay writing!

Read Full Post »