What I want are not words
But where words come from
The space within breath
that calls out our tongue.
– Robert Carroll
I had never met a doctor who was so excited about healing her patients that she appeared for all intents and purposes to be high on drugs. She was pacing around the exam room, literally bubbling over with enthusiasm for all the new “toys” she’d gotten at a recent conference on integrative medicine that she absolutely could not wait to try on her patients. She had so much energy that I thought she was going to launch herself into orbit.
In my journey through trying to find a cure for my son’s chronic illness I have met many, many doctors, but very few healers; I could count the number who I felt were truly invested, and also found meaning in what they were doing , on one hand. Still fewer the number who reached out to me, the parent/ caregiver, and gave me a reason to hope.
At our last appointment this doctor sHared with me that she was simply not satisfied wIth the progress my son was (not) making, and took several lunch hours of her own time to try to get us back on track. Where did she come from, some alternate planet where doctors actually care? Her passion for helping some of the hardest cases of chronic illness that no one else wanted to take on, with no desire to make a big name for herself, reminded me of a principle of yoga that I have rarely witnessed in action so masterfully: the principle of dharma.
Dharma is the principle of right livelihood. A good way to start the conversation about dharma is to talk about what it is NOT. Dharma is not “living your passion,” or “Chasing your bliss,” or “do what you love and the money will follow.” The words calling and vocation are often used to define what dharma is in English, but those words are much too small. Dharma is a state of the soul catching fire; when you are in the presence of someone who is living in alignment with their dharma, it is impossible to miss because there is very little ego, pretense, or need to please; they are completely merged with whatever it is they are trying to do, and whatever they are trying to do is much bigger than they are. Dharma is the meeting point between your soul and what the Universe wants to express through you, and it is always bigger than your personal desires, although it may include your desires.
When the soul encounters its dharma, it’s like coming home after being on the road, out in the cold, for so very long. There is a feeling of recognition, like meeting a long lost and very beloved friend, and a sense of it finally, after all this time and all this struggle, making sense. It doesn’t mean the struggles or challenges go away, if anything, they usually intensify, but now you have such an expansive and rooted sense of meaning that the struggles finally seem manageable.
I met my dharma several years ago, and since then my life continues to unfold in really interesting, completely unpredictable, and incredibly meaningful ways. My dharma feels like a conversation between myself and the prana that moves through and animates everything. It feels like incredibly powerful energy that has a focus and a meaning, not in the sense of being predetermined, but in the sense of something that wants to be born and is looking for an outlet to come into this world, and I can either meet it and work with it, or turn it away. It’s definately a choice, although sometimes the energy is so insistent and compelling that it doesn’t feel like much of one!
When I saw my doctor’s excitement at the prospect of helping her patients heal, I knew I was in the presence of someone who was living directly in alignment with her dharma, and now I will follow her anywhere because she has fully accepted the responsibility given to her as a healer and I know she will do whatever it takes, within her power, to find healing for my son. And I don’t think she will be acting alone.
Winter's Invitation 